Difficult
by Shizuku Tsukishima749
Summary: To say it had been difficult to live without her for all of these years was a genuine understatement. Oneshot. Adam/Sarah


_A/N: This takes place after 'Leap of Faith' and before 'Primary Colors' in season two. Instead of Adam meeting the Tragers because of Kyle's sleeping issues, he's going to meet Jessi to help him further cope with Sarah's death. _

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyle XY or anything affiliated. ABC Family does, as well as anyone else involved in the project.

* * *

**Difficult**

It had been a simple request; at least, that's what he'd thought. As he was listening to Jessi excitedly relay what she'd found out about Sarah earlier that day, it suddenly occurred to Kyle that Adam had never met the girl face-to-face.

Now, lying in his tub, he couldn't stop contemplating it. Kyle knew how much he loved seeing the man, and he was sure Jessi would love to officially meet him as well. He constantly, extensively, found himself missing his mentor, his friend, but would he be bothering him if he called? He didn't want to be an inconvenience.

Deciding he couldn't take the uncertainty anymore, he wandered into the living room, where he knew Nicole would be. She looked up as she noticed his presence and smiled, putting down the many files through which she had been looking.

Kyle immediately felt guilty for bothering her while she was working, and because his face disclosed as much, it wasn't hard for Nicole to notice. She grinned wider before she worked her wonders, which is exactly what he had wanted from her in the first place.

"Kyle, you know you can always talk to me, whether I'm working or not. What is it?" He obliged when she patted the spot on the couch next to her, giving him her full attention as a nervous look crossed his face.

"I want to call Adam and invite him over." Nicole's face broke out in a broad smile and Kyle couldn't help but smile as well; seeing her happy was one of his favorite things.

"Kyle, that's wonderful! We'd love to meet him!" Her adoptive son nodded, but his face remained anxious, so she allowed him to continue.

"Yet…I don't know if I should. I wouldn't want to disturb him, but I'd really like to see him and introduce him to Jessi. I'm sure she'd love to meet someone so close to Sarah, and maybe he could even take some comfort in seeing someone who looks exactly like her… I don't want to be rude or forward, but I think such a method might be good for him."

"It's very sweet of you to want to do that for him, Kyle, but I do worry what the effect of seeing Jessi might do to him. From what you've told me, he's still so grief-stricken over Sarah's death, no matter that it happened twenty years ago… I'm just not sure it's a good idea for him to meet Jessi. Oh, Kyle, I'm sorry."

She set a consoling hand on his shoulder, her eyes watching him concernedly. He nodded after several seconds and raised his heavily bowed head, his forehead releasing its lines of speculation as he relaxed slightly. His eyes were intense as he peered at her, and it was all Nicole could do to not turn away.

"I'll call Adam to see if he can come over. Thanks, Nicole."

He smiled, though there were obvious traces of hurt present from the exclusion of Jessi. Getting up, he silently walked into his room, closing the door to ensure he could talk privately. After taking a seat in his desk chair, he removed his cell phone from his pocket, pressed Adam's speed dial number, and nervously waited.

On the second ring, a voice the seventeen-year-old immediately recognized answered.

"Kyle! How are you?" Even through the phone, Kyle could sense Adam's smile.

"I'm great, thanks. I wanted to know if you would consider coming over tonight. I know it's short notice, but I haven't seen you in a while. I miss you." It was the truth, or rather, the easy part of it; he'd deal with the hard part later.

The voice on the other end laughed good-naturedly.

"Of course, I would! I'm flattered your family would invite a complete stranger to their home."

"You've done so much for me, Adam, and they want to thank you. As do I."

"Very well, then. I'll ask Tom to drive me there right after I leave you," A pause came again, as if Adam was pondering something. "There's something more, Kyle, I can tell." The push was one the boy knew, and he carefully trudged onward.

"I'd like to introduce you to Jessi while you're here. I know she'd love to know you like I do, and…" Kyle trailed as a long, weighted sigh emitted from the other end of the line, and as he expected, something was up with his mentor's emotions.

"I'm not sure I can, Kyle…" His voice was suddenly tired, old, conflicted; definitely not the voice of the Adam he knew.

"Are you okay?" He knew it was probably a stupid question, but he had to know. Something was really beginning to feel wrong.

Suddenly, all he heard was nonsense. There were gurgling, rattling, and crashing noises, only a few words decipherable in the rest of the babble: 'ran', 'needed', and 'Sarah'. Foss's urgent, hard voice was abruptly heard through the receiver.

"Kyle, he'll call you back." The call ended just like that, and Kyle was numb.

* * *

"_You had a seizure_!?" Kyle's uncharacteristically loud, incredibly worried voice boomed throughout his room and into the phone some hours later. So, the strange noises and sudden gibberish he'd heard had been the result of some sort of attack… "How?"

"Tom said it was due to my mind hitting its peak when it came to Sarah, that it couldn't stand the stress anymore after twenty years." Kyle was silent for several long moments, tears coming to his eyes as he thought of what he had done to his friend, his creator.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't know talking about Jessi would do that to you." The boy shakily got out, voice quivering and breaths uneven from the tears coursing down his cheeks. Why hadn't he listened to Nicole?

"Kyle, it wasn't your fault. From what Tom told me, it would have happened anyway, whenever I next thought of Sarah. Unfortunately, it coincidentally occurred with you. I don't blame you for anything. Besides, I'm fine now." Even Baylin's soothing tone couldn't calm him, and when he failed to hold back one quiet sob, the man sighed.

"I ran away from her, Kyle. You have to understand that," Kyle immediately knew he was speaking of Sarah and listened intently, giving it his all to hold back the rest of the sobs. "I couldn't handle watching her fall apart, seeing my entire world crash down just as she did. She meant everything to me, as she still does, and when I found I wasn't strong or smart enough to fix what she was going through…" The unspoken words of broken guilt were there, and it seemed Adam was communicating his very soul into them as he remained silent for a time.

Kyle's eyes watered again, but he made sure to keep his sobs internal in this instance, merely letting the tears slip down his cheeks. Baylin's voice startled him as it sounded in his ear again.

"Kyle, I'll come. And…I will meet Jessi." The Trager swore everything in his mind, as well as his breath, halted. He had agreed…both to coming to his home and meeting Jessi…

"Adam, I don't want to force you into meeting her, especially if it's going to affect you like it did before-"

"Kyle, I assure you, I'm doing this of my own volition, and don't worry about what happened. Tom said my brain completely rejuvenated itself after its spasm. I'll be fine. As for Jessi…it may soothe the ache in my heart, if only for a bit. I…I _need _to see her." Though Adam couldn't see it, Kyle nodded, concurring with the man's decision because he knew he couldn't be deterred.

"I'll see you there in about twenty minutes." Before he could hang up, Kyle remembered something.

"Wait, my address!" He heard Adam chuckle and knew he was smiling.

"I know where you live." Kyle gave a laugh of his own.

"Right." Hanging up, Kyle grinned slightly, still wary about the situation. What if…?

Unexpectedly, a knock at his window brought him from his thoughts, and he looked up. It was fifteen minutes and ten seconds after eight in the evening, so it was hard to see, but by his room light, he could make out long brown hair and a slim body.

Jessi. Just who he had hoped would show up. Barely pondering why he hadn't felt her presence, simply guessing he had been too preoccupied with Adam, he smiled at her as he opened his window. She beamed right back, waving gleefully; it was always so comical when she popped up like that, knowing he needed her.

Instinctively grabbing her hand to aid in keeping her balanced, momentarily forgetting it was unnecessary, she jumped into the room.

He turned to face her after closing the window, she continuing to smile as she watched him sit down in his tub. Gesturing for her to do the same, she gladly did, keeping their bodies a respectable distance apart in case Nicole or anyone else should come in.

"What's going on, Kyle?" She inquired curiously, tilting her head to the side; it was just like her to get down to business right away.

"I called Adam today, and he wants to meet you," Her smile widened, eyes shining, and Kyle couldn't help but reciprocate it. "You remind him so much of Sarah, but…that could be the problem." Her smile faded immediately, nearly crushing his heart.

"Are you saying you don't want him to meet me?" His eyes widened in fear, and he automatically assumed a straighter posture.

"No, of course not! It's just…what happened during our phone call makes me worry…"

"What happened?" The seventeen-year-old girl's eyes narrowed in concern.

"We were talking about you, but that quickly turned to Sarah, and…Adam had a seizure, Jessi," Her eyes widened in frightful disbelief, breath and heart rate quickening, but she nodded to keep Kyle going. "Foss said it was because his brain couldn't take anymore grieving thoughts of Sarah, so it reacted in that form of assault. He called me back when he was fully conscious and insisted on coming, saying he was fine and eager to meet you."

He saw the smile come across her face once more, and there was no stopping the subsequent one on his own. To calm Kyle's nerves, Jessi switched tactics, conversing about their current math assignments and how they could possibly be used in basketball strategies.

Thirteen minutes later, they were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing, and they beamed at each other in excitement. Kyle stood and got out of the tub, offering Jessi his hand, which she happily took.

Opening his door, he absently kept a hold on her as they made their way to the house threshold, Kyle meeting pace with Jessi as she slowed as they got closer.

There, standing just past the front door, cane in hand, was Adam Baylin. Kyle cracked a smile as he caught Tom Foss behind the man, ever alert even when the adoptive Trager was sure Adam had said there would be nothing about which to worry.

The entryway was silent for several seconds, everyone staring at the two men; however, Kyle and Adam were grinning elatedly at each other. In about two steps, Kyle was in front of the man, hugging him tightly as the genius returned it just as strongly.

As they pulled away, Kyle looked to Foss. Surprising those who knew him well, he did as he'd wished he had since Foss left the last time: he hugged him.

The man stiffened immensely, unfamiliar with the action after becoming so hard over the harsh years. Extremely gradually, awkwardly, he placed his arms around Kyle as well, and though he refused to let his guard down completely judging from the tension in his shoulders, he let the rest of his being, mind and body, relax.

Finally, he allowed himself to fully engage in the embrace, holding the special boy so tightly he was almost afraid he would crush him. It felt so good to honestly feel for someone again, to let his heart beat sincerely for the first time in what felt like forever; Kyle never failed to make him feel this way, so cleansed of all his regrets, so openly loved. It was just one more reason he fought so hard to keep him safe.

After the encirclement had lasted as long as Foss's heart would allow, they separated, understanding and care flickering in both their eyes before Foss reaffirmed his resolve, eyes hardening until further notice.

It was then that they noticed everybody glancing from Kyle to Adam, baffled, almost awed expressions on their faces. Kyle chuckled when suddenly Jessi stepped slowly forward, gazing at the both of them with laughing eyes. She tentatively reached out with one hand to barely caress both Kyle and Adam's cheeks, going on to touch their hair, outline their mouths with shy fingers, and lastly, stare into their eyes.

Stepping back just a bit, she smiled brightly, the laugh in her eyes being transferred into the open air.

"I see your looks haven't changed much since your college days, and you do seem a lot more like Kyle when you're conscious." She laughed as Baylin smiled at her, Kyle's family looking at her strangely, and the seventeen-year-old knew why. Looking towards the rest, the temporarily cane-wielding man explained.

"Don't look so surprised. I'm sure Kyle told you how he and Jessi found the Latnok facility in the woods near Victor Falls, thus finding my unresponsive body in a coma. I've met Jessi before, though not while aware…"

He trailed without warning, his voice softening, and all became silent as he stared at Jessi almost dazedly. Reaching out, he gently swept some of her long, brunette curls behind one ear, she closing her eyes at the touch that so reminded her of Kyle's.

"My…how you do look like her…" The emotion in his voice was thick, and any suspicions of tears and sentiments rushing to the surface were confirmed as Foss embarrassedly bowed his head. "It's amazing. I- I have to keep telling myself you're not her, but…you're so much like my Sarah…"

Noticing the weight on the man's cane had increased and tears had begun to flow down his face, Jessi touched his cane hand and gave him a small smile. Adam, realizing his surroundings, quickly cleared his throat as he bowed his head, rapidly wiping his face and eyes with a handkerchief from his pocket.

Bringing up his head, he gratefully gave a smile of his own and clasped the smaller hand atop his occupied one with his free appendage, the warmth of it causing her smile to broaden.

Swiveling around to face Kyle, her star-lit smile mirrored his as he felt her happiness coursing through him. Honing in on his mentor's emotions and vital signs, he immediately felt relieved as peace flowed through him, Adam's heartbeat and breathing gentle.

He received what he'd wanted tonight.

He'd wanted Adam to find peace within himself, no matter how long it may last, by seeing a piece of Sarah that had been left behind.

He'd wanted Jessi to find a friend in Adam, someone who had known Sarah so personally that he could tell her anything she'd ever hope to know.

He'd wanted Foss to open his heart, be joyous and calm, to relieve his ongoing pain and guilt, if only for a second.

It had been difficult for them to put their hearts on the line, but the gifts bestowed upon them in return had been worth the trouble.


End file.
